I have been in sunny and beautiful Cancun since Sunday. I decided to just fuck it and just go ahead while not thinking of the cost. It’s not really an arm and a leg to be honest, but it’s still something that I will need to recover because I’m not really earning any money at the moment. I think I need this because (1) I need a break, and (2) I need to think and reframe my life. The past 10 years have been something that totally took me in another life. I do not know if it’s lack of confidence, but I never really imagined myself where I am. If you asked me 10 years ago if I’ll be working in the US, and moving to a leadership position, I would have laughed and told you not possible. US was one of the last places where I was expecting to move.
So, I need to reframe my life again and be bold in what I can achieve. History showed me that I can and I just need to pull my weight. And, that’s the tough part lately for me. I have already let the weight of skating around be the norm. I need to recalibrate and build my strength to push once more. I am physically capable. I just need to train for it and make it work.
I think it’s my first solo trip where I am not going to an urban city. I usually take that because I can find things to do. I am not left with my own faculties to just lounge around and be sorry for myself. To be honest, I quite enjoyed my trip. I would have preferred a travel buddy to help on the cost, but also for company.
What did I do in Cancun? Most of the time, I just really relaxed by the beach or the pool thinking about nothing. I did not have much hangups that usually made me a Debbie Downer except during my tour day. I can never be a Dave and be friendly to the world unfortunately. I like my boundaries and comfort zone. Maybe it’s some skill I can acquire in my new company. Let’s see. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. That’s what I need to live through for the next years and own it.
It’s already the middle of May and I have not really been able to post something here because of two things:
- It has been so busy the past few weeks. It’s really driven because I already sent in my notice last April 28 and everything just went by so fast. The other managers knew, and so did my customers. The rush of finding my replacement swept me away and it was just really busy and draining being in meetings and meetings wth people I’ll be leaving the work with. My last day with HP will be this coming Friday so this week will definitely be busy as well. As what my ADM told me, I chose this so I have to suck it up. What was interesting though was that I received a lot of appreciation in doing all of the transition work I have been doing. Back home in Manila, it’s expected that a smooth transition happens. Here, it seems like people just sent in their notice and take a back seat. My customers were very appreciative and supportive of me still working on the project until the very last day. When I put in my notice, it was something that I wanted to do and complete — make sure that everything is taken care of.
- Lack of inspiration. I have started some blogs in my little notepad but I just could not follow through. I run out of steam, or overthink my post that I just decide to delete everything and start from scratch. But of course #1 happened so after deleting, I just work on other things. For the lack of better excuse, I just did not follow through. It does not mean though that there are no ideas or events in my life. As said in #1, I am leaving my company of almost 10 years, and additions to that would be my mom’s operation (which was a success by the way!), thoughts on self-confidence and relationships (as usual!), my take on Avengers 2 (it was a little scatterbrain) and being able to play volleyball once again with some discomfort. All I can really say is I will do better!
Weekdays. This week has been life changing, but there’s really nothing yet set in stone that I want to put in my blog. I’ll put a protected/private post maybe later to get that out because I really got good ideas from this experience. Other than that, work has been tiring. I don’t know why but I have not been sleeping really well for the past few weeks. I really think it is still because of my ankle, but there are also some things in my mind (work, family, life). I wish I can do yoga again but I am still afraid of doing any strenuous leg exercises that might exacerbate my ankle. Trade offs.
Weekend. This weekend though was rather mixed. I got disappointed a bit when my Friday plans did not push through. It was not set in stone, but it was just something I expected that would happen, but it did not. I shook it off after one day, but like any other bad deed, the bad taste is there and I will never forget it. Saturday was much better. After a long time, I gotta eat at Eagle once again during a night out with JV. It’s good chicken and a reminder of Shakey’s fried chicken. Then today, Dr. Ryan and I had some Red Robin and Costco break. I’m trying out a new protein shake which apparently is tested to be one of the most superior out there. I plan to test this for a week and see how my body reacts to it. If it’s good, then I’ll keep it and put in a good word about it. Also, I went to Mike’s Carwash for my Golf’s first ever carwash! The weather was nice and I was already in Costco, so it mae sense to pass by for a quick wash!
Ankle update. My ankle is still in a weird place. It seems to be healing well, but there’s this lump near my ankle bone that tells me that I am not yet out of the woods. According to google, it seems to be some scar tissue from the healing of ligaments. I will need to have it checked this week and see what the doctor thinks of this lump. It also means that I need to pay a visit again to Dr. Patel and postpone my change in PCP. I have bought some stuff to help my ailing body. I bought ASO ankle braces, Bauerfeind knee braces, and a foam roller. I need to get a lacrosse ball in Dick’s one of these days too. I just want to return in the court! I miss volleyball!
I decided to hit the gym again today for a work out. I have not been in the gym for 3 weeks now and I know that I need to head back already to starting rebuilding the strength and muscle (?) I lost due to my ankle injury. As a precaution, I wrapped my right foot so it’s well supported even if I still have no plans of doing any leg exercises. I focused on upper body and core exercises today. I was surprised that I did not lose much strength but I want to do this slowly and see where the sweet spot is and where I can challenge myself. There’s a big chance that I will be sore tomorrow but I hope not!
My afternoon today was a wash. I was out of the loop and not motivated to do any solid work which sucks. I did not get my usual sleep as well. I think I fell asleep around 12:40 am and woke up at 5:40 am. I am pretty much used to have 6-7 hours of sleep so I really need to be in bed around 11pm! I still need to do some work tonight. My new knee pads arrived in the mail today! I switched from my usual LR6 to a VS1 pair of kneepads. I really miss the volleyball court! #fewmoreweeks
PS: Waiting sucks. I want to know… now na.
There are things that happened in the past week that made me think more about life, people around me and the future. I think about life in general, but I just thought it’s worth sharing and putting it down in my blog for future reference.
I realized that you cannot have the perfect person in your life. This is not just romantic relationships, but in general. I should learn more that we accept people in our lives will not always make you feel grateful that they are around. It’s possible that there are days where you think “how can I have this person in my life?”. But, it’s good when you think about it in general. At the same way, I cannot say that I’ve been perfect for other people. There are moments that they probably want to kill me, but I hope they also appreciate that I have been a very avid supporter in every choice they make — even if I do not believe or accept them. Because choices and moments are just that — it’s a part. These things do not define the person and you have to look at it one level higher — do I want to be with this person in my life?
Secondly, I realized how many options I have in my life and yet I limit myself to a subset of it. I like the limit or focus because it gives me some parameters in what I want to do in my life. There are people who just do things because they can do it, or just to say it’s done. Kudos to them! I want to do things that matter to me. I want to be able to answer the question — why am I doing this? What is the point of doing this in my life? It’s not calculated, but I just want to put some meaning in what I do and establish an anchor or drive to keep on moving on. With the latest developments in my life in terms of career opportunities, it’s giving me the necessary focus on thinking ahead. I did not really think much on what I want to do in the next 5 years, but today, it was clear to me. I want to be part of something bigger than who I am. I do not want to be in the sidelines and help out in enacting change. I want to be driving this and pushing it forward. I never thought that I’m that ambitious and driven but going through the interview made me reassess where I stand now, and where I want to stand in the short and long term. I’m happy.
Ankle update — my ankle is still tender during the morning and quick lateral movements still has some pain. I am walking normal and I can jump. I bought some resistance bands earlier to start strengthening my ankles and also my knees. I think my target of May is more realistic, but I want to still be optimistically cautious about this. I don’t want a repeat of my injury, and I want to be smart and stronger than before.
I’d just like to say the weather this weekend is just amazing. It was very sunny and so much different from the dreary weather of the past week. Cincinnati got hit by a bunch of storms. I can’t wait to experience more of this sunny weather and explore more of my surroundings. This year, I want to do some more activities outside the house! Let’s see what goes to reality from my bag of ideas.
Work update — My work has stressed me out last week. I was finally back at the office, and it was just a pile of poo. It was a mess! It is annoying but manageable in my opinion. I just don’t feel good cleaning the mess of other people, even if it is my job. On the opportunity front, I had some conversations here and I’m crossing my fingers that something comes into fruition.
Ankle update — This is not fully well yet. As you can see in the photo of my ankle, my right ankle is still a bit swollen. Since the day I have sprained my ankle, I was just able to walk properly yesterday. It’s definitely a milestone for me because I was getting a bit concerned. I was practically limping for 2 weeks and I thought I was going to be like this forever. I’m happy that I can see progress, but it’s still a journey for me. There’s still some stiffness and discomfort when I go down the stairs. I need to do some exercises to make it better. So, I am still projecting May for my return in the courts. I need to get an ankle brace as well!
Finally, it is April! Let’s just say that March has not been my favorite month, and having April roll in quicker than expected is something I am very happy about. March has just been rough than normal. There were things that happened that just really threw me off and did not allow me to enjoy much of the time. At the top of my head, I can think of 3 things — my sprained ankle, my Mom’s health news, and work. I think I started April quite strongly and positively and I’d like to keep it that way. Here is a quick rundown of what has happened in March in a more tangible way…
Financially, it’s a big letdown. Due to my mom’s upcoming operation this month, I have to provide more than usual. It’s a big dent in my financial plan and I think I can recover some of them in a month or two. That means though I am back at square one, and I need to tighten the belt a bit. It’s good that I am working at the client office because I bring food usually and that is a big saving (and healthier as well!). I am pretty much Paleo most of the time now but let me comment on that later.
Health-wise, April will be a challenge. I sprained my ankle last Sat (Mar 28) and that took me out of my health regimen for a week already. I am expecting a few more weeks to allow my ankle to completely heal. I hope to go back to the gym for some workout in 1-2 weeks, and go back to play volleyball in 3-4 weeks. I am more conscious now with my body and will really listen to it more intently. Perks of aging I guess. L For the past week, my diet is pretty crap. I felt miserable with my situation and decided to eat things that I want even if it’s not healthy. I had baked Cheetos, Hawaiian sweet rolls with peanut butter, and okonomiyaki. Crap I tell you! Weirdly, I lost some weight and I think that’s muscle that flew out of the window.
At work, it has been busy. I was juggling some side projects and contract writing and making sure everything is on-track. It was not terrible in the way that I was super stressed. It was a good stress actually. It kept me at my toes and fueled me to push harder. Good motivation in my opinion. After my sprain, I worked from home the entire week and thought I was 80% productive to be honest. The good thing is that it was also Easter season so work was really not on its peak levels. Next week, I have my list of follow ups already and I want to push harder and see where it will bring me. I am still looking for opportunities out there. March has been a wash and it really shook my confidence a bit. I knew that I needed to adjust and see where this ship goes.
That was last month and so far April has been starting good. I decided to get a cable subscription and I think I got a decent deal out of it. It’s not cheap and I do have to make some financial adjustments, but I want to see how April comes and then will make some adjustments. I already thought of stopping my Netflix subscription as a cost saver, but maybe I do not need it. We will see. What this made me realize is how much I love TV!!! It’s so awesome to have DVR and just record shows that I want to watch and have some control over it. I can also watch previous episodes of some shows I missed — I am now on a Master Chef marathon! I have been loving HGTV and Food TV as well. I guess you know where 20% of my productivity went last week.
What I want to achieve in April is simple:
- Get out of the red in terms of finances, and build that plan.
- Rebuild strength (especially in my legs), and be more intelligent here.
- Get some tangible updates in opportunity search
- Push harder with work
- Do a simple road trip to break the cycle
Still bruised but better than Saturday