The Real Apathetic Uncaring

I had some problems with my last blog. I was supposed to blog about another topic, but ended up blogging about something else. Here goes…

One of my few uncles died last Friday due to complications from Tuberculosis. The thing is that I did not feel any feelings at all with the news. I was never close to the person even if when I was growing up, he was almost a fixture around. I’d say that he was not really a nice guy and he’s stricken with various diseases due to alcohol abuse and lack of control. I think my dad did all that he could to “save” him, but even my dad – the ultimate martyr – gave up on him.

It just feels weird that I don’t feel anything at all about the situation. On Thursday dawn when we were in the hospital (I got dragged for “support”), we knew that it was hopeless at all. He was on life support, with a shot pair of lungs and brain hemorrhage. Ultimately, there’s just no way out of the situation. Since he was a bachelor, my dad took care of everything and was given the tough choices on his behalf. It came to a point that the decision was given to my dad who was obviously emotionally distraught but looked somewhat calm. I was there and so was my mom who had bad blood with my uncle but still came to support my dad.

My dad asked me, “ano sa tingin mo?” <what do you think?>

Going to the Atenean train of thought, “Depende. Ano ba sabi ng doctor? If may pag-asa pang gumaling, sige, ituloy mo. If wala na talaga, mas OK na siguro na alisin mo na.” <It depends. What did the doctor say? If there’s still hope for recovery, it’s OK to continue [life support]. If it’s hopeless, it’s better to remove it.>

“Yung makina na lang bumubuhay e. May hemorrhage na yung utak.” <Only the machine is keeping him alive. His brain has hemorrhage.>

“Aalisin ko na yun.” <I’d remove it.>

That’s that. I guess that strengthened the resolve of my dad and has signed the necessary papers. When I was informed that he passed away, I just affirmed it and my day went on without a hitch. And that’s where I feel really weird about it because I felt that I have objectified the situation and it was like some Ethics class situation on euthanasia.

Ultimately, my take away on the matter made me feel more confounded than ever. Hopefully, I can find a better understanding of the matter in the future.


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