Lately, I’ve been having a bubbling feeling of unrest. It has been bothering me actually and it has been drained me of all the motivation I have in work. I’ve been breaking out like crazy due to climate change (from France to Manila) and that has aggravated my psychological well-being. I am not saying I am loony, but I feel that there’s some sort of imbalance.
Honestly though, I feel that I should be thankful in everything that I have received for the past few months. I have been given out-of-this-world opportunities that come very seldom in a lifetime. I got things that I have not asked for and it has pleasantly surprised me. There are other small things that I should be grateful for. But, I have not been feeling that sense of gratitude.
Madame Bovary has been clawing from the inside wanting to be free and clamor for greater things. I have been in a constant state of wanting that it has left me feel a bit hallow like all I do right now is not worth it when I think of an imaginary “what I can be”. It’s a false sense of ego and ambition that has led to downfalls and successes. I feel a bit of envy who has reached the point of just taking a break and contemplate and actually say, “I like this time in my life. I am happy.” I *need* to be able to reach that point to be able to finally stop the feeling of anxiety and restlessness.
I need a hobby. I need something to fill the gap of ennui.