I am not sure if this tidbit applies to everyone. For me, I reach moments regarding certain circumstances that I feel should just be ended. Perhaps for the eternal optimist, they will always be gung ho in fighting for things to go their way. However, I am who I am. The Project Manager in me will always look at realities and intelligent reasoning based on facts, circumstances, resources and the value in arriving to a specific decision. The best and intended result will always be something that goes your way or according to plan, but there are just things that you should just let go… especially when it comes to people and relationships.
I think people are uncontrollable beings. They have free will that enables them to decide, and even change that decision any time. Don’t get me wrong, I am FOR choice. I love the fact that I belong to a society where I can freely choose things I like or dislike. The conflict becomes apparent because individuals believe and/or like different things. The little brat in me would prefer that my choice is the only choice possible and people can just follow that. But, life is not that way. To this specific case, I cannot force someone to like me in a specific way I would like. Whatever you do, if someone is not on the same page, it can all just be for nothing; a failure. It’s not wrong at all since we all have preferences and we all have choices. Of course, you can try to convince the person or invest in ways that would hopefully sway things to go according to your plan. What I don’t know is the limit. When do I say, I think this is enough. This is a lost cause. It’s just not going to happen. There are two conflicting ways I am looking at it:
1. Fear of Regret. I don’t want look back to just regret this moment and say I did not do enough. I want this to happen at any cost. It’s this way or the highway because I choose this to happen.
2. Fear of Missing Out. I don’t want to miss on life. I want to move forward from this and see what my other options are. The world is big and for sure, there are infinite options for me. This is NOT the only option.
That has always been my inner struggle in major decisions in my life. I try to subscribe to the 2nd line of thinking because that’s a fact that I know. I don’t know if I would regret something in the future, but I know that there are always more things available. The dream of course lives on because that is YOURS, but a dream is not reality; it’s your personal orchestration removing important fundamental factors in life — the environment, and the choice of others.
Is it the end? For this minute, probably yes but while there’s life, there’s no absolute end. Perhaps one day, things will go full circle and it will actually go my way. Or, I can find something better or more suited for me. For now, perhaps, it’s time to throw in the towel and see how things goes. I still welcome the idea, but my life will not be directed for this alone. There are more things that I can do and I will just make the most of it.