“The purpose of relationship (and perhaps all of life) is to practice the loving. No partner is going to be 100% perfect anyway, so learn to appreciate people for what they have to offer, not what they don’t. And love them for that. That’s what real loving is.”
This is a nice excerpt in a Huffington Post article on “Why The Smartest People Have The Toughest Time Dating” I read online. The particular sentence struck a chord the most because I’ve always been very picky with who I deal with. A lot of my friends have told me how choosy I am. I usually rebut, it’s not being choosy, but having standards. I do not think it’s bad to be selective on who we connect with or share intimate details, because of security/privacy reasons. However, I have this habit of writing off people in my head. It’s as if they are immediately have a grade in my head and they are forever pegged that way. It’s probably related to some insecurities of knowing how I measure to someone (should be another blog entry!), but it happens.
Going back to the quote, all of us have something to offer, and we like to focus on things that are missing or wrong. It goes back to my realization when I turned 30 that I should appreciate things that I have and being grateful for having them. I think this is an extension of that — appreciating what others can offer to you and your life. Being open to people because they have something to offer.
What conflicts me is the fact that not everyone willingly offers something to you. Some are even vampires trying to suck the good out of you. I’m not that much of an optimist yet to actually see a bright side in destructive relationships. Reality is that there are just people that do not want to be with you. For example, there are some people I try to befriend or has befriended me that eventually fizzled out. Or, someone I’ve met over dinner who seems to be interesting and a potential to be a friend (fine, or more!), but I get no reciprocation (or even a text message!). I don’t know if it’s me or him, but it happens. Do I force myself to this person, or continue to actively connect with him if this is not reciprocated? My take on it is that there should be some desire to connect both ways — it’s being open to someone who is willingly extending himself as well. I go back to Ryan Bingham question “How much does your life weigh?” There are some things that I enjoy carrying around because they offer something, but there are things that should be left behind because they just weigh you down.