Disappointment and Significance

Lately, I get this feeling of disappointment with someone I consider as a friend. Let’s call this person A. Ang problema though is that yung disappointment is not really warranted. Dito lalabas “sino ba ako sayo?!” kind of question because I thought we have a good friendship pero hindi e. Medyo mababaw nga to be honest. For example, when I message A, biglang di na lang siya sasagot or something. I also don’t feel na involved siya like I am in. So I feel bad. I don’t want to be a martyr for someone. I’m a big believer of the golden rule of reciprocity. If I post a question, don’t just read it, friggin’ answer it. I try hard to understand na we have our own lives and we get busy with life too, but it is not an excuse to show some kind of respect, right? If I can find time to just respond “later”, I think others can, diba? I expect na kung ano yung tinanim ko, meron din akong aanihin ko. Of course, that is objectively speaking. What I do not like with relationships is that hindi siya objective e. You cannot control people’s personalities, desires and feelings. Di ko controlled if he does not reply. You have to adjust to whatever s/he does. So, that is the problem — how can I not feel bad when you get “disappointed” by someone?

So, I googled and stumbled on this article. It has some good points, but I think the last reason really resonated with me. “We yearn to be loved. We yearn to matter in this world. We yearn to be somebody to someone. So go be somebody to someone then! Stop drowning in the misery of “She doesn’t love me!” “He doesn’t care about me!” Find love on your own terms by giving love first.” Personally, I super agree because come to think of it, I’m at the point of my life where in career success does not even matter to me anymore. I figured na as long as I live quietly with stability, and I am somebody to someone, then I have reached the nirvana of life. I am happy with that already. Actually, I recently talked to my friend Dave about life purpose, or what I want out of my life. I said na I want to have stability in life. I think now, I realized na the response is incomplete because I think to some extent, I already have that now. What I *really*want is to be stable, and to be significant.

Being significant is the tough one kasi ang daming means to be that. There’s public service, or volunteer work and feel a sense of significance of being able to change lives. Professionally, puedeng you are sought after by managers because you are that good. Personally, you build amazing relationships with other people as friends or more-than-friends. Abangan.

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