Weekly 3/23

I don’t know why but I am much more productive when I am in Starbucks. I guess old habits really die hard. I remember my Ateneo days when I would study in Starbucks for an exam, and I would be mostly productive even if it’s a bit busy/noisy. I guess the little sense of chaos makes me focus on what I am doing. When I am alone at home, the silence just makes my mind travel to different things making it difficult to focus. At least I know what I need to do which will make me function productively. Always good. 

This week was so tiring for me physically and mentally. The big shift in my work hours is just making me feel more fatigued than ever. Usually, I can wake up at 7 am and catch the 740 or 815 bus to the office, or start working if I work from home. With this project, most people I work with are in Europe and Asia. I have to set meetings from 6-8 to be able to maximize the common times of US, Asia, and Europe. It does not make sense not to adjust my time and lose 2-3 hours of productivity with them. I wake up now at 530 or 6 am to shake off the fog in my head so I can start working earlier than usual. I know that I will eventually get this new routine, but body clock changes suck.

That’s work, but outside of it, I feel tired as well with volleyball and working out. I really do not know how Dave or other people who work out every day do it. I am so envious with their focus, stamina and can-do attitude! I just need to focus on the end goal and suck it up.

Some good news! I have some good progress with my GC. I finally got an email from the firm that my fingerprinting has been scheduled. This has distracted me lately to be honest because the delay was worrying me. Now that I have that set, it’s another thing off my mind and I can really just wait it out after this. What is weird though is that I did not get the mail about it (I should get the notice too). I plan to wait it out til Monday to see if any mail will arrive. If not, I’ll just notify the firm and they will send me their copy. 

Final thoughts for this week that I really need to internalize and live by… you cannot have everything. This has been in my mind lately actually and I’ve been trying to adhere to it. Personally, I’ve been kicking myself and going into self-pity parties about not being able to get things that I want which I was fighting for. I would think about other people who just get things easily, but I always have to struggle for it. Or, I would compare myself to others and think that they’re so lucky. Sometimes, my judge-y thoughts would even cross the idea that I think he does not deserve it but he still gets that. I know bad thoughts, but it is what it is.

I should really just think that there are people who are in worse positions than me, and I should still feel grateful with my luck. For example, the family of those passengers in MH370 (still missing until now). It must be really crazy for them not knowing what happened to their love ones. Or, those trapped in wars. I’m definitely in a better spot than them. Another example is with one of my friends who’s lucky enough to find love, but not that blessed in the career department. My point is that the story of humanity shows us that we cannot have it all every time. If that is the case, there would be no poverty, wars, or depression. History shows us that there will always be lost causes. It is something that we need to accept. It’s not being defeatist, but it’s accepting one’s own reality and working with it. What really matters is what we do with our lives, and not being immobilized with the idea of losing. There are lucky people who seem to get everything or get things easy. That’s life. Why dwell on those? It would just makes you feel bad. Just focus on things that work for you and build on that. But! It also does not mean that you close your doors on trying to achieve what you want. Keep the dream alive because maybe someday you will get that. It is a possibility and you hold on to that, but do not let that centrally hold your life. It’s just one of the threads in your life. There are things to be thankful for and we should celebrate them! 

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