I’ve been sitting on my 2015 goals because I felt that it was pointless and misplaced. I’ve been in a spiraling existential crisis that made it difficult to move forward. If I do not find any meaning in my life, what is the point of setting goals for myself? Why do I need to challenge myself if I will just eventually die alone? The little things became moot because it was not fulfilling any purpose. It was just doing things for the sake of doing things, and I hated doing that.
The gospel of Avenue Q hit me a few minutes ago that kinda helped me inch out of my conundrum. I remembered a musical number called “For Now”. It talked about living “for now” because we are merely living through the moments we exist in. The moment we live in does not persist, and it is just temporary. Humans have the ability to transcend and that should enable us to prosper in the present. So, it brought me to a compromise in my head — Even though I do not feel my life has some purpose, I should still live through the moments in life. My crisis is really not a dead end or a block, but a reminder for possessing opportunities in defining what my life would be and making most of what I have in life.
My overthinking totally ignored the fact that I want to be able to live life the way I want it to be. Who cares if there is no fundamental reason of all the things I want to strive for. It is something I want for myself for now. Is it permanent? Heck no! But it is damn satisfying.
Now that issue is out of my head, let’s go to 2015. This year is pretty exciting in my opinion. For one, I am not afraid to actually say that I want something to change in my life. For the past few years, I always felt that I cannot do some massive changes in my life because I felt that I lacked security. I got my green card last year, so it really made me feel more open to the idea of change. On top of that, I have my usual areas of where I want to continue to work on:
– Financially, I want to keep a 10% savings target. It’s not as aggressive as I want it to be but I have to realistically target this because of the situation with my parents’ health. Last year was totally disappointing in this area. It will actually possibly continue this year if I get a house. But who knows, right? For now, 10% sounds reasonable.
– Career-wise, I need to kick this up a notch. Whether there is a change or not in this area, I need to correct my problem — I need to instill more discipline. I lack focus and drive to follow through on items. I need to work on that this year. I’d probably look for a ton of lifehacks here.
– Health-wise, I want to improve my core. Seriously, my core is so weak that it’s embarrassing to do the ab workouts in my Step Class. I need to work on that, and also be leaner. I’ve totally lost control with my diet, and my body. I need to listen to my body, and also consciously manage my Paleo-ish diet.
– In the self-improvement area, I plan to continue on my usual targets to learn more about the world and myself. Knowledge is power! :-)
> Watch 50 movies
> Read 6 books
> Go to 3 new locations
> Learn a new hobby
> Join a social group
So far that’s the idea for 2015. I will probably do my normal tracking and also put a page dedicated for that. Discipline, discipline, discipline. I wish I can do this.