When you were younger, it was easier to make friends. You were forced to be with people in the same place with a common purpose. But, when you become older that becomes more difficult even in similar circumstances. We have a stronger sense of our selves where we know that it’s not gonna work out. You are not forced to be with this person so you can choose to use your time for other things. It becomes easier to dismiss relationships because we can. You know that if this person is not with you, you will be okay.
What brought this about? Three instances. The first is with friends falling out. There are just friendships that as you grow older, you realize it’s not working out. You two are just too different. You don’t know this person anymore and sometimes you realize that you’re just keeping the relationship for the sake of history. If you just know this person today, you know that he won’t be your friend.
Second is with building friendships. I have this mindset that if the two of us share some interests or values, we can be BFFs. It does not work that way because it takes two to tango to make a friendship. The gravity of the relationship also depend on that. In my situation, I think I am interested in this person too much than I should be. And, clearly, he’s not. So I feel like I’m always chasing and putting all the effort in building something. I hate that feeling.
The last point is with regards to the price of admission. I learned this idea first from Dan Savage. He explained that in a relationship, there are things you choose to accept for the sake of maintaining that relationship. No one is perfect and there are some things that would annoy the hell out of you, and you accept that he’s that way. Believe me, I think of that all the time. Also, I expect them to think that way about me. I am not perfect. I have ideas and habits that can be annoying as shit. But, the adult thing is that you sleep on it and you take a deep breath. The friendship is so much bigger than your pet peeve.