It’s the end of another year and it’s time to look back at what happened and feel something about it. Usually, I am overwhelmed with negative feelings due to my insecurities and life outlook that I fail to see that I had some successes and things I should be grateful about in life. I get into some holiday blues that just drains out the motivation in me. I feel a bit different this time. I do not feel an immense sadness this time around. I’ll take what I can.
I will just try to look on the positive things and see where this will go. I think one of my biggest accomplishment is improving my fitness level by getting into intermittent fasting. I started the year with around 154 lbs and I am now hovering at 137 lbs. I know yearly, I would try a diet and see how this will affect me for a month or so (i.e. Paleo, Whole30), but this is the only thing that I stuck to until today. It was an easy concept — you only eat your required calorie targets within an 8-hour window and then you fast for 16 hours. Basically, I would eat from 12pm to 8pm only. I have always been particular to what I eat thanks to my Whole30 days, and that skill helped in looking at the nutrition information and really use that data to be intentional in managing my weight.
Getting back into volleyball is another win for me. After my knee issues and PRP shot last year, I had to quit volleyball completely until March 2017. I started to play again by that time when I gave up doing my PT sessions and just really focused on it personally. I think this made me more mindful about my physical limitations. I realize that I am older and my body is not the same from 10 years ago. I need to protect it and make sure that it lasts me another 10 to 20 years.
Lastly, facing my emotional and anxiety issues was another big win for me. The second half of the year was very tough for me and it reached a point that it really became unbearable. I did not blog a lot because all the swirling thoughts was just getting to me. It had to stop and really get away from all the ruminations. It was such a big sigh of relief for me when I went to my doctor and helped me manage it. At the same time, starting some therapy was also another venue of confronting my inner demons. But, I do not think that I am well after going to my doctor and therapist. I still have struggles and my self-perception is still a bit skewered. I have learned to silence my mind or not let my thoughts take over. It was really about finding the effective way for me to live with it and eventually correct it.
Those were the biggest wins and at the same time, the times where I learned more about myself. If I can sum up 2017, it is the year of rediscovery and relearning again. There were many things that made me go “aha!” especially about accepting my limitations and who I am. I learned that I need more focus. I have to realize my strengths as a person and use them to make me more successful. I have to be more present and not let “mindspeak” take over my life. It is still a work in progress because it has not really reached the point that I am able to successfully manage my demons or stay grounded. It is really one of my 2018 key goals but that is another post waiting to be written.